Friday, October 29, 2010 12:00 AM, CDT
Down Syndrome, what to expect.
The feeling is so hard to describe! What did I do is all I can think. I did this to my baby. It's all my fault. I cried and cried and cried. It doesn't matter what anyone says. It's my fault. I do know that this is what God gave me and I know that no matter what there was nothing I could have done. All that doesn't matter. I, me, did this. Now he has to have a life with mean people. He has to see and not understand how cruel people can be. It kills me. I just want to keep all that from him.
I know people just want to say its not your fault and he is darling and he will learn but that still isn't what I want to hear. No one should have to hear those things. Babies shouldn't have to have a life any harder that what it already is. Then to be his daddy's first baby, and he isn't that perfect baby everyone envisions for themselves. It tears me up inside and I ache.
Daddy loves him just like any daddy loves their baby. I love him just like I love my other boys. But I still hurt.
To describe Down Syndrome. It is an extra chromosone. There is no cure, there is no way to take away the extra one. If you took it then you would be taking away a part of him. It isn't like a growth to be removed and then everything is ok. There is only a yes and no. You either have it or you don't. There is no scale of he might not have it as bad. No degree. He won't grow out of it, he won't grow into it. He has it. He had it the moment he was conceived. This extra chromosone was more than likely in the egg and it was there, just waiting.
So only the future will tell how Lucas will do. I will do everything I can to help him be the best he can be. I am sure he will be showing me things in life I never even dreamed.
I know people just want to say its not your fault and he is darling and he will learn but that still isn't what I want to hear. No one should have to hear those things. Babies shouldn't have to have a life any harder that what it already is. Then to be his daddy's first baby, and he isn't that perfect baby everyone envisions for themselves. It tears me up inside and I ache.
Daddy loves him just like any daddy loves their baby. I love him just like I love my other boys. But I still hurt.
To describe Down Syndrome. It is an extra chromosone. There is no cure, there is no way to take away the extra one. If you took it then you would be taking away a part of him. It isn't like a growth to be removed and then everything is ok. There is only a yes and no. You either have it or you don't. There is no scale of he might not have it as bad. No degree. He won't grow out of it, he won't grow into it. He has it. He had it the moment he was conceived. This extra chromosone was more than likely in the egg and it was there, just waiting.
So only the future will tell how Lucas will do. I will do everything I can to help him be the best he can be. I am sure he will be showing me things in life I never even dreamed.
I have decided to start keeping better track of the life and times of Lucas Turner. Lucas was born with Trisomy 21 also known as Down Syndrome.
My hopes are that others can read this and understand Down Syndrome a little better and not be so judgemental when they see someone with this type of disability.
You will learn as I have that Lucas is a baby. He is learning just like other babies and he will continue to learn. He has feelings, he has wants and he loves to make me and his family smile.
I hope you enjoy this journey just as I am.
My hopes are that others can read this and understand Down Syndrome a little better and not be so judgemental when they see someone with this type of disability.
You will learn as I have that Lucas is a baby. He is learning just like other babies and he will continue to learn. He has feelings, he has wants and he loves to make me and his family smile.
I hope you enjoy this journey just as I am.
Background Story
Where to begin...Lucas was not planned. Not by me anyway. I found out in Jan 2010 that I was expecting. I was 42, had 3 other boys and scared to death.
My first visit to the doc was horrible. I am sure it was too early to tell anything and that is what happened. After that visit all was going ok until some prenatal testing came out with the result of down syndrome and spina bifida. Off to more appts. Nothing on the untrasounds suspected anything. I chose no amnio, it wouldn't make a difference.
Starting in August I was going in for non-stress test to make sure the baby was doing well. He was. He wasn't very active but he was doing ok.
Sept 25th, Lucas' dad, Jeremy and I decided to go pick up a baby bed for Lucas in the city. The city is an hour drive from Jeremy's place. I was having some pain all night but not thinking much of it. I was watching the clock in the truck and I was having pain every 6 min. By the time we arrived at our destination they were 4 min apart. I was on the phone with my sister Brenda at the time. She convinced me to go to the hospital. I said fine, on the way to Jeremy's house we will stop by the hospital. Well by the time we got close to the hospital I was have contractions every 2 min or so. I was taken in at 330pm and hooked up to the monitor to find out that Lucas' heartrate was almost stopping at each contraction. Things were a whirl wind. It was decided that an emergency c-section was to be done. So away we went after all the prepping.
I was in so much pain, horrible. They never stopped. Finally getting to the operating room I was given a spinal block. Ahh the relief. Such a strange feeling of your body just feeling like it was gone.
At 630pm baby Lucas arrived. 7lb2oz and 21in. I heard him cry. I was so happy.
They brought him over to see me. I knew then but didn't care that my boy had down syndrome. I could tell. So that is where our journey begins.
(I will try to fill in from then to now, should have done this sooner.)
My first visit to the doc was horrible. I am sure it was too early to tell anything and that is what happened. After that visit all was going ok until some prenatal testing came out with the result of down syndrome and spina bifida. Off to more appts. Nothing on the untrasounds suspected anything. I chose no amnio, it wouldn't make a difference.
Starting in August I was going in for non-stress test to make sure the baby was doing well. He was. He wasn't very active but he was doing ok.
Sept 25th, Lucas' dad, Jeremy and I decided to go pick up a baby bed for Lucas in the city. The city is an hour drive from Jeremy's place. I was having some pain all night but not thinking much of it. I was watching the clock in the truck and I was having pain every 6 min. By the time we arrived at our destination they were 4 min apart. I was on the phone with my sister Brenda at the time. She convinced me to go to the hospital. I said fine, on the way to Jeremy's house we will stop by the hospital. Well by the time we got close to the hospital I was have contractions every 2 min or so. I was taken in at 330pm and hooked up to the monitor to find out that Lucas' heartrate was almost stopping at each contraction. Things were a whirl wind. It was decided that an emergency c-section was to be done. So away we went after all the prepping.
I was in so much pain, horrible. They never stopped. Finally getting to the operating room I was given a spinal block. Ahh the relief. Such a strange feeling of your body just feeling like it was gone.
At 630pm baby Lucas arrived. 7lb2oz and 21in. I heard him cry. I was so happy.
They brought him over to see me. I knew then but didn't care that my boy had down syndrome. I could tell. So that is where our journey begins.
(I will try to fill in from then to now, should have done this sooner.)
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